Get Well Soon (Article #40) 2/22/2007

Sigh.

Where to start?

I missed writing last week because I was traveling back home from NY. At least that is what we told you. However, I was very busy with other things as well, which kept me too occupied to write.

I can now tell you a lot more about how the healthcare system works (and sometimes also doesn’t work) here. Some things are easier than we would have expected with others not so much, but we really felt the concern of all the professionals we dealt with (even the obnoxious Israelis). But I am getting way ahead of myself.

I had spent a great Shabbat in Yeshiva University with our Roshei Yeshiva and alumni from various universities throughout the East Coast. It was another opportunity for me to get to know them better (since I was not in the Yeshiva when they were) and for the Roshei Yeshiva to catch up with how they are doing in their studies (both religious and secular).

The YU staff was great in helping make the arrangements, especially Eli Hagler (son of Richie and Sherri), who is a recent YU graduate and a Presidential Fellow in the Student Affairs office this year. It was a treat to see a friendly face and Eli really made things happen for us in a positive way.

After Shabbat I enjoyed visiting the YU seforim sale and finding out that there isn’t a kosher cookbook that Goldie doesn’t already own. One of our alumni asked me why I was buying seforim when I live in Israel, the cheap sefer capital of the world. I showed him the two English books I was buying and explained that English books are not so cheap – nor were those 2 volumes easy to find in Israel.

On Sunday morning I flew down to Miami and joined my brother for the Superbowl. As a season ticket holder of the Chicago Bears, he had won a raffle entitling him to purchase 2 seats for face value and he invited me to join him for the game.

We had a really great time. The atmosphere was electric and the pregame hoopla was really entertaining (and a lot of stuff was free – so it was Jew heaven). Then it started to rain.

Yes, we took ponchos. Ponchos are not meant for continual rain, nor for the constant getting up out of our seats and then sitting back down on them after they had been rained on while we were standing.

The game could have been better, but we had a great experience. I doubt I will have the ability to do it again (certainly not if I had to pay ticket broker prices), but it was cool being in the stadium for the game.

The worst part was walking a mile or so back to our car. We had lost the game, were totally drenched and we squished and clomped the entire way in the cold driving rain. Yuck.

By the time I got back it was freezing in NY. Subzero windchill factors. Freezing winds. I was so unused to the cold that it really got to me. I might have originally lived in Chicago and been used to that type of weather in the past, but that was then and this is now.

My father in law had thankfully recovered from his surgery to the point where they were allowing him to continue his recovery at home, so I was able to bring him home on Tuesday afternoon, which was great for Goldie. Not just that he was improving, but also that I (and through me, she) was able to be a part of the recovery process even though she was so far away.

At home, Goldie was reporting continued progress with the kids. Both Chaya (Grade 10) and Batya (Grade 2) had come home one day excited that they had understood all the materials covered in school that day. She herself got an excellent grade on an oral Ulpan exam and things were doing well.

At two weeks, this trip will be my longest away from home and family in quite some time. The kids were very antsy (as was I) and at about ten days into the trip things got difficult for them. They didn’t sleep well and were constantly calling me to ask when I would be coming home. Even Moshe (2 years old – I missed his birthday which fell out during this trip) would walk around the house calling, “Aaaaaaabba – Aaaaaaaabba”.

Goldie definitely did not have an easy task of keeping them all organized and composed. Especially since it is not so easy for us as well as the kids. She has a really full schedule and with the additional emotional load (as well as the lack of my miniscule amount of help) the weeks passed by very slowly.

I would say that I plan on trips no longer than 9 or 10 days in the future. It is just too difficult to spend that second weekend overseas. The second Shabbat was a real thrill though, since I spent it in the 5 Towns with many of our friends.

I had arranged to speak at a couple of local 5 Towns Shuls (the Red Shul and Edward Ave.) on Shabbat, talking about our experiences and how it has affected our Emuna and Bitachon. So I had the opportunity to be in Woodmere and see some of our old friends and neighbors as well.

If you remember, a couple of months ago we had a photographer by the house to take some pictures of us for Nefesh B’nefesh’s new brochure, “Letters from Home”. We were to be one of four families from the 5 Towns being featured in the brochure. I don’t believe (anymore) in coincidences, but – coincidentally, the brochure just happened to be released in the 5 Towns during that very Shabbat, adding just a little bit more to my being in the neighborhood that week.

Intriguingly, one of the points I noted during this trip was how different the values/focus is between the two countries. In Israel, the media spent the end of the week focusing on the potential Hamas/Fatah coalition as well as the various corruption scandals. In America? The drug overdose of a “celebrity.” I cannot tell you how glad I am that I did not have to have an answer ready for my kids.

After Shabbat, I was preparing my schedule for the last two days of the trip when I got a call from Goldie who had spent a really tough Shabbat in Israel. Apparently, she had a problem with her vision that was making it difficult to drive late in the day and at night. She had scheduled the earliest available eye doctor appointment for Monday morning to find out what it could be.

On Monday morning I awoke to her call informing me that the eye doctor had definitely noticed something wrong physically and referred her to a specialist and that she had an appointment that evening. She wasn’t sure if she should go to the appointment, since we were pretty sure it wouldn’t be covered by our health plan, but I told her that it was better to go and spend the money than have to wait a week to see a doctor in our plan. In hindsight, that was a great decision.

By the time I boarded the plane, she had gone on the appointment and reported that there was a definite problem with her vision and other symptoms. She needed to go the next day to her regular physician, so that he could order an MRI.

She also told me that she didn’t think she would be able to pick me up at the airport the next day, since it was really difficult for her to drive. She seemed pretty confident that everything would be okay and I was relieved that she had decided to get medical care so quickly (she usually ignores things when she feels sick).

When I arrived home, I was greeted by the entire family. After two weeks, they were thrilled to have me home and I was thrilled to be there. Moshe (age 2) grabbed me in a bear hug and wouldn’t let go of me for fifteen minutes.

As we unpacked my bags (with the kids on a treasure hunt), Goldie recounted her day. Her doctor had sent in the paperwork for the MRI and there should be an approval within a week or so and an MRI appointment a few weeks later. Having taken a look at Goldie and recognizing that she was displaying several symptoms, I realized that I would need to push the process forward, and was prepared to show up at the doctor’s office and demand an approval for the MRI that day.

I called the private doctor and discussed matters with him and he advised us to go to the hospital for evaluation, since her vision and other issues seemed to be problematic, and possibly worsening.

We ran off to Hadassa Ein Kerem and that has been where we have spent the last week or so. She has endured an endless barrage of tests and scans, each one eliminating a different possible illness. The doctors are actually very happy with the process of elimination, as the worst possible things have been ruled out already and now we are on the more manageable and treatable possibilities.

Yes, I am definitely omitting a lot of details here. There is a limit to how far even I am willing to go in detailing our personal lives.

I can tell you that she doesn’t feel “sick” other than the various symptoms she has displayed.
I can tell you that we are concerned, but not overly concerned, since our doctors have told us that the worst possibilities have been ruled out.

I can tell you that it is very tough not having a diagnosis, since there is a sense of comfort and control in knowing what you have and then treating it to the best of your abilities. Every negative result means that something has been ruled out, but we are eager to know what is going on here and for a treatment to be identified.

I can tell you that this is hard on the kids (strangely, we both feel that this experience has brought us much closer as a couple). The older kids have been TOTALLY AWESOME! Babysitting. Packing lunches. Helping with homework. Laying out clothes. Being home and feeding everyone dinner….. I have to give credit to Chaya for being a little mommy while Goldie hasn’t been able to be the big one.

Chaim has also been unbelievable. Chaya went away for a class Shabbaton and the rest of the kids were with my brother for Shabbat. All we heard was how wonderfully Chaim took charge of the littler kids and what a great kid he was. He wakes them up each day and gets them breakfast as well. He puts them to bed at night and reads books to the boys. The two of them have really stepped up when we couldn’t.

Aliza, being the fiercely independent child that she is, goes out and gets the job done for her self. Schoolwork, homework and any other subject matter are all getting done without prompting and she always tries not to be a burden upon anyone.

Batya and Mordechai are having a harder time. Even though they all visited her on Friday, they really miss Goldie tremendously. Their routine has been totally devastated and I can see that they walk around feeling out of sorts. Simple things, like my missing putting them to sleep, reduce them to tears. Coming on the heels of my being missing for two weeks overseas, it has been very stressful for them.

While the particulars of Goldie’s case are not relevant here, I can offer some interesting observations about the health care system here. We have some pretty darn good doctors here. We are very pleased with the degree of knowledge and credentials of all our doctors. It is only their bedside manner which we find lacking.

We had a CT scan and and MRI within thirty hours of admission (instead of weeks later) and more tests almost every day. Part of the reason the tests happened quickly was that I was persistent in getting things moving. I literally walked the MRI paperwork to the administrative offices for their signatures and then to the MRI center rather than leaving it for the hospital staff to take their time in doing. I was not shy about grabbing a doctor if I thought something needed doing and even though they acted offended, they all know that this is the only way to get things done here.

As a teaching hospital, we have a lot of professors and students who come by to see the lady with the “mystery illness”. The entire department she is in is focused on her as well. All the doctors come in regularly to check on her and find further developments. Each person wants to be “the one” to find the solution to the unsolvable problem.

Yet, with all the attention, getting them to give us any information is impossible. I am constantly fighting with the doctor to give us test results and inform us in advance why and what they are doing. He understands that we need to know, but we are so unlike the standard Israeli patient that it definitely bothers him. His attitude is, “trust me, if something comes up – THAT is when I will tell you, otherwise assume all is well.”

Being in the hospital here is a very interesting experience. The kitchen here is Kosher Mehadrin (at least during the week – on Shabbat there are bishul issues). There is no need for TV dinners or airline foods.

There are essentially only Jews and Arabs here. Lots of Arabs (Goldie has an Arab woman in her room). There are also Arabs on staff. With all the time we spend in Beit Shemesh, we really have very little exposure to our distant cousins here in our land. So it is eye opening to see them here.

The volunteer Bikur Cholim people are constantly in the room. Coffee or Tea? Need a sandwich? Can we give you a snack and a juice? They are incredibly attentive and so kind. Random people (often Chassidim) knock on the door just to come in to the room and wish us Refuah Shleima. The sense of Jews worrying about other Jews just because they are Jews in so uplifting.

When we realized that Goldie was going to be in the hospital for Shabbat, we made arrangements for the kids (who went to my brother) and I inquired about Shabbat arrangements for myself and walked away impressed.

There is a society that makes all the Shabbat food and minyan arrangements (there is a Rav of the hospital). It is staffed by volunteers (many of them Yeshiva Bochurim) who come to be a part of the Shabbat experience. Any guest who needs arrangements just shows up at minyan and they take care of him – sleeping arrangements, meals, whatever you need.

There is also a hotel (that opened last August) directly on the grounds of the hospital. It is especially set up for outpatients and newly discharged patients who do not want to go home. Visiting family members often stay there as well, and I made arrangements to stay there for Shabbat.

As anyone who has been in the hospital will verify, it is really hard to actually sleep in the hospital. There is a ton of noise and activity, and having up to four roommates only adds to the disturbances with lights, televisions and phones all turning on an off throughout the night.

Since we would already be taking a room, I spoke with the doctors about Goldie’s possibly being allowed to sleep in the hotel room and get some rest. Surprisingly they allowed this. This would never happen in America. Here, it was no big deal.

We both needed the sleep. Goldie had been having a terrible time sleeping in the hospital and I figured out that between traveling, running back and forth from the hospital to the kids and everything – I had only slept ten hours the entire week. I was so tired that I fell asleep during minyan for a minute on Friday night.

Minyan was amazing. There had to be a hundred people at the tefillot Friday night. Patients, doctors, visitors and of course the volunteers who run the Shabbat program. Because the minyan was so large, we did not daven in the main shul, but rather in the “chapel” that houses the famous Chagall windows.

I felt a little uncomfortable davening there. There is so much hoopla surrounding the artwork and the artist. It distracted me and I had to really concentrate on davening properly and not focusing on the artwork instead of G-d.

Twenty minutes after davening they opened the doors for the Seudat Shabbat. The room was set nicely, with separate seating for men and women as if we were at a very religious wedding. When we asked to sit together, even on the side, we were told that they prefer only separate seating in the main room. However, in order to accommodate those people who preferred (either by necessity or desire) to eat in their rooms, they had prepackaged “doggie bags” with the entire meal (all food still hot) for us to take with us to Goldie’s room.

So we enjoyed a nice private meal (Goldie’s roommate was out of the room) by ourselves and then we went to the hotel to go to sleep. And sleep. Nine hours later I woke up for the Naitz Minyan (sunrise) and after Kiddush and a light breakfast at the hotel we went back to sleep for another couple of hours. Nothing like eleven hours of sleep to get things back to normal.

The rest of Shabbat was more of the same. Private meals in her hospital room. Hanging out and waiting.

We have done a lot of hanging out and waiting this week. Waiting for tests. Waiting for results. Waiting for doctors. Chasing after doctors. Throwing a fit in order to get the doctors to show up. And of course, waiting some more.

Although they have not yet confirmed a diagnosis, we have a sense of comfort in knowing that our doctors are considered the best in the country and are highly regarded internationally (we checked them out). We also have friends and relatives who have been supportive and doing their best to make sure that we get the best care. Hopefully, we will have a diagnosis and treatment defined this week and we can get out of here and back home, where all recuperation really happens.

note: Goldie was released from the hospital two days after this article was written and continues to recuperate at home. We want to thank all those who called, wrote and emailed their support and encouragement and all those who davened for Goldie's recovery.