How do we spell pressure? A-L-I-Y-A-H (Article #8) 6/15/2006

I had originally planned to write last week about our experience marching with the Nefesh Bnefesh contingent at the Salute to Israel parade in Manhattan on June 4. Since I got sidetracked, I thought I would share some brief observations with you this week.

I thought the parade was more sparsely attended than in the previous years that we have attended. With 6 kids to chase, we stopped regularly attending the parade several years ago when it became too difficult to keep track of everyone. Somehow the crowd seemed smaller than we had remembered from the past. Even the obligatory protest contingent of Neturei Karta Chassidim and their Arab allies were much fewer in number.

Having never experienced the parade from inside the barricades, I was struck by how quickly everything went by. We sang L’Shana Haba’ah B’Yerushalayim almost the entire way up 5th Avenue. We even sang a special round (after Goldie came up with the idea) of B’Chodesh Haba’ah B’Yerushalayim.

We also sang the “hey, hey, hey Goodbye” song, which was also kind of cute as we said goodbye to America.

Another thing I noticed was the immediate roar of the crowd as soon as they realized who we were. The support and encouragement the spectators expressed for new Olim was heartwarming. It was especially exciting to see people we have known for years; watching their reaction as soon as they realized that we were with the NBN group and making Aliyah.

We had a great time and I know that the kids will always remember the day they got to march in the parade.

As we get into the home stretch with less than a month to go, we find ourselves literally exhausted all the time. There is so much to do. At work and at home, we are both at wits end, trying to tie up as many loose ends as possible.

While I think there is certainly enough time to get everything that we control done, Goldie is a list maker and scorekeeper. So she really needs to finish things before she can feel accomplished, while I am content with simple progress.

For instance, I am quite happy to shop prices for appliances, trying to get the best price. I figure that as long as the appliances end up in our lift, we are okay. I also feel accomplished by speaking with vendors about our needs, since each conversation brings us one step closer to a final purchase.

Goldie on the other hand cannot understand how I can spend hours checking specs on websites and calling for price quotes without buying something and still feel as if I have accomplished something. She needs to know that the appliances have been ordered and will be on our lift, so that she can cross that item off her list. Until it is crossed off of her list, she feels as if we are wasting time that could be better spent buying something or at least packing it.

This theory applies to anything that needs to be done for our Aliyah. Schools for the kids? It doesn’t matter how many emails we send or phone calls we make, until the kids are officially enrolled, she feels as if we haven’t really set things up.

In fact, schooling presents its own unique challenge. Most schools in Israel are public schools. Even though we have requested specific schools for the kids, since the school assignments are made by the municipality, it is really up to them to determine who goes where, no matter what the parental preferences are.

In Beit Shemesh/Ramat Beit Shemesh, there has been a trend for Olim to populate certain schools. Accordingly, those schools have a high percentage of English speakers as students. The municipality prefers that the student populations of each Yeshiva be more representative of the population at large, so they will limit the amount of English speakers admitted to those schools, assigning them instead to other, more Israeli schools.

Since we are dealing with public school, it is not easy to undo the municipality’s decision. This creates a tremendous amount of angst for those who are assigned to schools whose ideals and hashkofa may be different from the student’s family’s ideals and hashkofos.

As the entire process is out of our control, I don’t really worry about it. I figure that I will either be happy or unhappy with the decision being made – and will fight it out only if I feel I can make a significant difference by saying something. Goldie worries about these things all the time.

There are many other personal issues that also need to be dealt with. What will we drive until we buy a new car? Which health plan is best for us? Which bank? What about property insurance? The list is endless, but needs to be taken care of in the next three weeks.

So, while we were busy running from one thing to another, packing boxes, sorting through old clothes and tying up our affairs, we also spent each day this past weekend in a constantly anxious state, worrying about the many things that we still need to take care of and haven’t.

Then there are the well meaning but incredibly repetitive questions. Are you guys all excited? (Answer: most of the time. Some of the time we just have a feeling as if we are standing on the train tracks while the train bears down us). What are you going to do if……………? (Answer: We have no clue. We will take each challenge as it comes). Are you ready? (Answer: See below) While we are thrilled that people are interested in us and our Aliyah, we sometimes feel as if we need to just sit in a quiet corner and decompress.

The workplace is no easier. We are both trying to close as many open items as we can so that there is less confusion when we leave. Working for our schools has allowed us the unique opportunity to mentally and emotionally invest in our careers. We are both extremely dedicated to our respective (Yeshiva) employers.

We are therefore extremely concerned that the transitions to our replacements be smooth. Much more so than an average departing employee. So we spend hours each working day doing our utmost to leave “neat desks” for those who will follow us in the workplace.

Simultaneously, we need to bring our replacements up to speed with where things stand on many different issues that will remain open. Of course, since they will be doing things in their own way, we need to constantly remember not to mix in and to allow them to do whatever they feel works best.

Further complicating matters is the fact that we have so many social obligations related to our Aliyah to attend to. The parade. A JUF farewell party for Olim in Manhattan. Various goodbye parties for the kids. The Yeshiva of South Shore’s special event in honor of all the Yehiva’s Olim. Different tzeischem lshalom kiddushim. And so on, and so on, and…….

Then there are the stresses over which we have no control. (Here come some shameless plugs and free advertising….) We still haven’t sold or rented our house (anyone interested in a 5 bedroom colonial with approved plans to expand to a 7 bedroom please give me a buzz). The cars are still ours too (1998 Town & Country and 2001 Durango – both low mileage and in excellent condition). We can only hope that we thought of all the other things to do.

All these various pressures result in a tremendous amount of stress. I have found that at times, we are so focused and pressured, that we seem to wake up for days on end “on the wrong side of the bed”. We can feel the increased tension in our lives and in our home, and it definitely takes its toll both physically and mentally.

Don’t get me wrong here. There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with what we are experiencing, and I am sure that many of the other families making the move this year also have a lot of stress and pressure. We are still excited to go and are looking forward to our new life.

It has simply gotten to a point that we just wish the whole process could be finished already. We are ready to open a new chapter in our Book of Life, but it seems like we can’t seem to turn the page from the last chapter without suffering a few creased pages.