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Last week, I was privileged to participate in the shalom zachor of my newest nephew, born in the U.S. to Goldie’s sister and her husband, Debra and Sruli Ehrenberg (Mazal tov!). As I have said in the past, we miss a lot of smachot being so far away (including his brit milah, which will happen after press time, so I don’t know the name yet), and it is terrific when circumstances allow us to be together.
As I was walking out the door at the end of the night, one of our friends walked out with me and we started to discuss aliyah in general, my family in particular, and his thoughts on the possibility of making aliyah with his family. He commented that it is a well-known fact that making aliyah with older kids (I define this as a teenager, even though his oldest is either 10 or 11) is a big mistake. Older kids ALWAYS have problems integrating into Israeli society, and they all end up becoming teens “at risk” and rebelling against religion and their parents.
This was not the first time I have heard these “facts” about aliyah. Although I have not personally seen it, Mishpacha magazine supposedly ran an article a couple of years ago telling parents that anyone who even considered moving to Israel with older kids was making a terrible error. (If I am misrepresenting the article, I apologize). Both friends and relatives questioned our decision to make aliyah at the time, citing this “fact” as a major reason we should reconsider our plans to move.
While I would certainly agree that there have been instances where children have indeed had horrible experiences in making aliyah, I must disagree with this as a general principle. I think that the common knowledge here is hugely mistaken, mostly because of perceptions.
When 5TJT publisher Larry Gordon proposed that I write this column, he was very clear in his goal. He told me that almost everyone knows at least one family that has made aliyah, and we all know what happens up to the moment our friend or neighbor gets on the plane. Thereafter, we only get snippets of news, hear about smachot or the opposite, and that’s it.
I believe that it is this syndrome that has led to the reputation of aliyah as a teen destroyer. Who are the teens that you in America or even your relatives in Israel are most likely to hear news about? Those teens who are troubled or causing trouble. When a kid is getting great grades and fitting in, this is not noteworthy, and therefore you rarely hear about it. After all, who ever heard of a crisis of kids fitting in?
It is only those teens who fail in school, can’t make friends, start abusing substances (heaven forbid), or doing other “wrong” things that you hear about. They are in crisis and that is certainly a tragedy, but I do not think that they are a majority or even a large minority. They are just more visible and therefore easily tagged as “the problem with making aliyah with teens.”
I know of many families, people whom I daven with every week and people whom we have met since making aliyah who have teens who have thrived in Israel. Yes, I also know families whose teens have gone the opposite way. However, I think that we all miss an important factor when talking about teens: There is no guarantee that this would not have happened in the U.S.A. had the family not come on aliyah.
As I recall, the “teens at risk” crisis exists in the U.S.A. as well. There are schools, organizations, and professional careers all focused on dealing with this crisis. They conduct lectures and workshops, and there is a literal frenzy of activity surrounding the serious mission of dealing with this issue and these kids, almost all of whom have not made aliyah. (It is inevitable that some of them are kids who have returned from a failed aliyah). I am sure you have seen them around town. I have.
Any one of the kids in crisis here in Israel could just as easily have been a kid in crisis in the U.S.A.
I firmly believe that success for a teen here is attributable to the same things that success for a teen there are. Good parenting, good planning, good friends, and a whole lot of luck (or siyata d’Shmaya). I know many terrific parents who did everything “right” and still have kids in crisis. I also know many not-so-great parents whose kids are also in crisis. Crisis does not differentiate between them—it finds the kids no matter who their parents are.
I would venture that if someone were to do a real study (and not just a simple poll of opinions) he would find that those kids whose parents did not have a plan for them when making aliyah, and adapt their plan as circumstances warrant, are the kids with a higher than average amount of problems. For those children, aliyah provides additional stresses and challenges that they are not prepared to cope with.
So I guess my message is this: Do not allow the fact that you have teens dissuade you from planning aliyah. Many, many families with teens have come and thrived, and you can too. Teens here have incredible freedom and independence. They thrive as a group and can be incredibly supportive as a social peer group. Your children will thank you for making them a part of it, if you come for the right reasons and you are honest enough to craft a realistic plan for them.
However, if you are considering aliyah not because you want to be here but because you think a “fresh start” would help your kids, your marriage, or your family unit as a whole, I would advise against it. Aliyah is hard work with huge challenges. Using it as an escape plan is unrealistic and will probably lead to more difficulties. Deal with your problems first and then come.
Kineret Update: The strike is over! They started releasing the updates on a daily basis again. As of February 2, the Kineret is 213.365 centimeters below sea level. This constitutes a rise of one full meter since the low point of the year. This is also the largest rise by this time (the end of January) in over five years!
We are 163.5 centimeters above the Black Line (the level at which all pumping from the Kineret must stop or cause irreparable harm to the Lake). We are 36.5 centimeters below the Lower Red Line (the level at which there are elevated amounts of contaminants—bacteria—in the water). We are 436.5 centimeters below the Upper Red line (or full), and the levels continue to rise. We will almost certainly be above the Lower Red Line by the end of the season, and we hope and pray for much, much more.
In two months, enough water went into the Kineret to equal the entire desalination industry in Israel’s annual output. Assuming usage patterns similar to last year, when combined with the opening of the new desalination plant last month, we can be fairly confident that we will not risk hitting the Black Line in 2010. We still need to gain 150-180 centimeters in water levels to get past the point where we will avoid returning below the Lower Red Line in 2010. Usage rates will continue to increase along with our population, so this is still a major long-term problem. But we are further away from a severe water tragedy, which is cause to be thankful.
As I was walking out the door at the end of the night, one of our friends walked out with me and we started to discuss aliyah in general, my family in particular, and his thoughts on the possibility of making aliyah with his family. He commented that it is a well-known fact that making aliyah with older kids (I define this as a teenager, even though his oldest is either 10 or 11) is a big mistake. Older kids ALWAYS have problems integrating into Israeli society, and they all end up becoming teens “at risk” and rebelling against religion and their parents.
This was not the first time I have heard these “facts” about aliyah. Although I have not personally seen it, Mishpacha magazine supposedly ran an article a couple of years ago telling parents that anyone who even considered moving to Israel with older kids was making a terrible error. (If I am misrepresenting the article, I apologize). Both friends and relatives questioned our decision to make aliyah at the time, citing this “fact” as a major reason we should reconsider our plans to move.
While I would certainly agree that there have been instances where children have indeed had horrible experiences in making aliyah, I must disagree with this as a general principle. I think that the common knowledge here is hugely mistaken, mostly because of perceptions.
When 5TJT publisher Larry Gordon proposed that I write this column, he was very clear in his goal. He told me that almost everyone knows at least one family that has made aliyah, and we all know what happens up to the moment our friend or neighbor gets on the plane. Thereafter, we only get snippets of news, hear about smachot or the opposite, and that’s it.
I believe that it is this syndrome that has led to the reputation of aliyah as a teen destroyer. Who are the teens that you in America or even your relatives in Israel are most likely to hear news about? Those teens who are troubled or causing trouble. When a kid is getting great grades and fitting in, this is not noteworthy, and therefore you rarely hear about it. After all, who ever heard of a crisis of kids fitting in?
It is only those teens who fail in school, can’t make friends, start abusing substances (heaven forbid), or doing other “wrong” things that you hear about. They are in crisis and that is certainly a tragedy, but I do not think that they are a majority or even a large minority. They are just more visible and therefore easily tagged as “the problem with making aliyah with teens.”
I know of many families, people whom I daven with every week and people whom we have met since making aliyah who have teens who have thrived in Israel. Yes, I also know families whose teens have gone the opposite way. However, I think that we all miss an important factor when talking about teens: There is no guarantee that this would not have happened in the U.S.A. had the family not come on aliyah.
As I recall, the “teens at risk” crisis exists in the U.S.A. as well. There are schools, organizations, and professional careers all focused on dealing with this crisis. They conduct lectures and workshops, and there is a literal frenzy of activity surrounding the serious mission of dealing with this issue and these kids, almost all of whom have not made aliyah. (It is inevitable that some of them are kids who have returned from a failed aliyah). I am sure you have seen them around town. I have.
Any one of the kids in crisis here in Israel could just as easily have been a kid in crisis in the U.S.A.
I firmly believe that success for a teen here is attributable to the same things that success for a teen there are. Good parenting, good planning, good friends, and a whole lot of luck (or siyata d’Shmaya). I know many terrific parents who did everything “right” and still have kids in crisis. I also know many not-so-great parents whose kids are also in crisis. Crisis does not differentiate between them—it finds the kids no matter who their parents are.
I would venture that if someone were to do a real study (and not just a simple poll of opinions) he would find that those kids whose parents did not have a plan for them when making aliyah, and adapt their plan as circumstances warrant, are the kids with a higher than average amount of problems. For those children, aliyah provides additional stresses and challenges that they are not prepared to cope with.
So I guess my message is this: Do not allow the fact that you have teens dissuade you from planning aliyah. Many, many families with teens have come and thrived, and you can too. Teens here have incredible freedom and independence. They thrive as a group and can be incredibly supportive as a social peer group. Your children will thank you for making them a part of it, if you come for the right reasons and you are honest enough to craft a realistic plan for them.
However, if you are considering aliyah not because you want to be here but because you think a “fresh start” would help your kids, your marriage, or your family unit as a whole, I would advise against it. Aliyah is hard work with huge challenges. Using it as an escape plan is unrealistic and will probably lead to more difficulties. Deal with your problems first and then come.
Kineret Update: The strike is over! They started releasing the updates on a daily basis again. As of February 2, the Kineret is 213.365 centimeters below sea level. This constitutes a rise of one full meter since the low point of the year. This is also the largest rise by this time (the end of January) in over five years!
We are 163.5 centimeters above the Black Line (the level at which all pumping from the Kineret must stop or cause irreparable harm to the Lake). We are 36.5 centimeters below the Lower Red Line (the level at which there are elevated amounts of contaminants—bacteria—in the water). We are 436.5 centimeters below the Upper Red line (or full), and the levels continue to rise. We will almost certainly be above the Lower Red Line by the end of the season, and we hope and pray for much, much more.
In two months, enough water went into the Kineret to equal the entire desalination industry in Israel’s annual output. Assuming usage patterns similar to last year, when combined with the opening of the new desalination plant last month, we can be fairly confident that we will not risk hitting the Black Line in 2010. We still need to gain 150-180 centimeters in water levels to get past the point where we will avoid returning below the Lower Red Line in 2010. Usage rates will continue to increase along with our population, so this is still a major long-term problem. But we are further away from a severe water tragedy, which is cause to be thankful.
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