A Deep Breath (Article #28) 11/16/2006

We have been in Israel four months now, with the last two weeks being the first time we have been on a somewhat “normal” school/work/play schedule. We have gotten to the more “mundane” part of our life here. We go to school/ulpan/work, are involved in the general housekeeping issues (last week I bought some plastic shelving units and we got rid of a whole bunch of boxes), are starting to think about life more than one or two weeks in the future and are almost comfortable with our routine.

This week was finally a week where we did not follow an amazingly deep low feeling with an equally astounding high note. Our concerns/troubles were not magically wiped away and we weren’t giddy with excitement over some amazing development or activity we had participated in.

Since our arrival we had the sense of being on a roller coaster. We would get to amazing heights and then dizzying lows, to be followed by more rushes up the adrenaline escalator. Each time we tackled a problem we felt like there was another one right behind it waiting its turn in the sun.

And now we may finally have reached a major milestone in our acclimation to Israel. Instead of reaching a quick fix short term solution to a problem in order move on to the next problem, we are taking a more long term approach to solving the educational issues facing our boys.

I feel a lack of crisis or pressure in our lives. That isn’t to say that we are any less hectic and harried in our daily routine. From around 6:30 AM until 9 PM or so our house is a frenzy of activity. Carpools, busses, ulpan, work (for both adults), chugim (after school activities), homework (all done in Hebrew with a dictionary in hand), meals, laundry for eight people, cleaning, running to the doctor each time somebody gets sniffles and so on and so on……… our daily routine has only gotten harder since we’ve made Aliyah (although it should ease a little once Goldie finishes Ulpan in February).

What I feel now is more a sense of getting down to the real business of living. Of having a moment’s reflection to consider what things we need to do in order to make things work for each kid (and ourselves) without thinking that each move will irrevocably change their entire future.

Sunday morning saw Mordechai’s return to “equilibrium”. He still had no idea on what the teachers were talking about, but with Goldie’s support he finally found a point where he was less frustrated with being in Gan. The fifteen minutes to half an hour that she spends with him in the Gan go a long way to putting him in a comfort zone.

He knows where everything belongs in the Gan. The Morah’s idea to have Goldie relate the daily schedule to him in English means that he isn’t constantly bewildered and confused when things happen. He has English speaking friends in the Gan and he is able to interact with most of the boys.

It is still difficult for him. In the mornings when he arrives he might be the only English speaker in the room, and therefore ends up playing alone until more friends arrive (and thank G-d again for his buddy Chaim Rock who has literally been a rock for Mordechai) which is difficult for us as parents to watch. He sits quietly when there is story time or another verbal activity since he doesn’t understand what they are doing.

So we have a mix of growth with him, and with each passing day and each new vocabulary word he gains a little more confidence that he will be able to handle this bewildering world, which is as it should be. He is finally making small progress which is what his growth curve should be, a series of small victories.

He also started hot lunch in Gan this week. Since food is a major deal, he was thrilled to be getting hot lunch which costs us less than a dollar a day. Since lunch is the main Israeli meal, he gets a meat lunch every day and he loves it.

The girls are also about to see some changes in school. Since the municipality had decided to combine the olim from the various elementary schools into one large centrally located group, Batya and Aliza had been traveling by bus each day to their ulpan program. However, having the boys and girls together in the same facility just didn’t work out, so we got a note in the middle of the week that the girls were being relocated into our girls’ school building.

This change will incredibly ease Goldie’s life. The afternoon switch of school buildings had forced us to put the kids on the city bus to come home (many kids here travel to school on the city bus). We also had no choice but to have the girls miss all of their afternoon classes, since they were no longer physically in their school’s building.

With this change, they will once again be able to take the private school bus (which we have already paid for) home, making a much shorter trip than the city bus. It also allows Aliza to go straight to play practice after school, since she is not needed to accompany Batya on the bus and make sure she gets home safely.

Aliza still wants to drop the ulpan totally, she really feels ready to go out on her own. There is no question that she is doing well in school and that she probably could handle it, but we are still holding off just to make sure.

Aliza is in a funny position. Her school has historically been a grade 1-6 school. In Israel the schools can run 1-6, 1-8, 6-12 or 8-12 depending on the school. So we knew that the school choice for her this year was only for the current year, and that we would have to find Aliza a new school for next year.

As an Olah Chadasha, Aliza has specific hurdles, since her command of the language is not the best. She will be applying to many of the top level schools and may be very challenged by their entrance exams and we have to be very forceful in making sure that the schools all make a note of the fact that she is only living here for four months.

Additionally, her school announced that they are going to open a seventh grade next year in a move to expand the school through grade eight and possibly even High School. We are sure there will undoubtedly pressure put on the girls to consider staying in the school (which Aliza absolutely does not want to do).

Open houses for High School also run differently here. There are special open house days for only the students, for only the parents and for both parents and students. With three major schools on our radar, we expect to be busy with High Schools over the next six weeks or so.

On Monday night we had a meeting of parents for Chaim’s school. This was our second meeting with them in a month and our initial reaction was that our thoughts to make a change were right on target.
We actually believe that the atmosphere is good for him and that if they could deliver what they are promising, it would be perfect for him. The problem is that it is a big if.

After the meeting, we had a private conference with the principal of the school. He outlined a possible plan for us to pursue Chaim’s skipping the Israeli Bagrut exams (think regents) and to move for a High School equivalency degree for him, which when combined with the Israeli psychometric exam or the SAT’s will be what he needs to get into college, which is his ultimate goal.

I am also working with people I know (via the Yeshiva) in the Yeshiva University program to make sure that whatever program we ultimately choose will be acceptable to them, which for now, is Chaim’s first choice for college when he leaves Israel.

The highlight of our week was the monthly dinner I try to have with my brother and sister. Friday was my sister’s birthday, and although we had thought to postpone the dinner a few days, we decided to get together Thursday night in honor of her birthday.

For the first time since we made Aliyah, it has finally gotten too cold to sit outside at night for dinner. The climate here is actually amazing, especially in Beit Shemesh. As hot as it is during the summer (and boy is it hot here during the summer), it is also one of the warmer areas in Central Israel during the winter (one of our neighbors hosted a lovely Shabbat Kiddush this week in honor of the birth of their daughter – outdoors, in the street, in the 70 degree+ weather in mid NOVEMBER) .

I think my idea to set a specific goal of getting together one night each month was right on target. We feel so much busier here (even though we don’t have Israeli TV) and that we only have free time to ourselves after 10 PM or so. Without the mental commitment to actually go out to dinner and see each other every month, I would probably never see my siblings at all, nor would we have a chance to just get out and decompress.

We hosted Miriam Pinsky from Bayswater with a friend for Shabbat. Miriam’s mother worked with me in South Shore and it was our pleasure to have her visit. We feel a little more connected when we are able to host friends or their children, even if it is only for Shabbat.
Although the community here is so welcoming and so loving and nurturing, there is nothing like a small taste of “the old country”.